Ambiguously Achieving Ambition

Last year when I graduated high school and moved on to bigger and better things like college, I had it all planned out. In the beginning I was going to be a nurse. But, that wasn't just it, I was going to be the best damn nurse you'd ever seen. I was going to be an OB nurse and I would be the only one you'd want to be around while you're trying to give birth. That was my goal but somewhere along the way things changed. I decided that that wasn't really what I wanted to do. I got lost you see, and when I got lost my ambition went out the window. I had no want to go to the one and only class I found myself neglecting. I dropped 3 classes before they even started and I realized that I was not ready for this. I was not at a place where I was ready to go to school again and take a bunch of classes that were hardly relevant to where I wanted to take my life. And so, in leu of my decision to drop a few classes I obtained a bit of student debt.
One semester in and five- hundred and fifty dollars short I learned that in order to go back the next semester I'd have to pay my dues first. I came up with a system, or budget, to raise all the money I needed in order to pay my debt and return to school. I planned it all out and started working towards my goal. Yet again, sadly, I got lazy. I lost my drive and basically gave up on my goal. I had offers from people to help but how could I just take someone else's money to pay my debt and then be in debt all over again to someone else? And then I quit my job. I've made a lot of mistakes and now I am paying the price for them. There's nothing I want more than to be going to school right now and pursuing my dreams, but I put myself into a position to where I cannot. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to make things happen for yourself. The only way I knew how to get my ass back to school was to take a semester off and go back during the summer to catch back up. As much as it sucks I have accepted that I had made a mistake that I am trying to fix on my own. I am proud of myself for that. I want to work for my own things rather than to have someone someday able to say that I wouldn't have something if it weren't for them. That's just how I work. I like to do things for myself, I don't need to accept anyone's help.
Now I have different dreams than the one's I had a year ago. I hope to get back to school and finish my General Ed courses and transfer to a university. I want to go home. I want to transfer to Boise State. I feel like that's where I belong. It's always been my dream to go back to Boise at least for school if not to live there. I want to do journalism and work for a big magazine or newspaper. I want to write about things that are relevant and important. Once I've paid off my debt and I get back into the swing of school I am sure that fire inside me will reignite and I will have found my ambition.

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